Dec. 15th, 2006
09:22 pm - ne lui vendez pas vos âmes
words spoken, with a writhing shriveled meaning
how much can you take
before you see the monster sprouting from you
from your ideals beliefs morals
that change every time the tide goes out
songs spun, that hang dead in the air
how much can you sing
before your words burn through to your heart
and reduce it to ash
ash that can blow in the wind
with all the other hearts you've raped
words written, on a page destined for lies
how much can you scribble and scrawl
before the ink turns to blood and
you realize all along its been your blood
that stains the sheets you sleep on
Nov. 8th, 2006
and this is why i love my sister oh so much...
...on her birthday she was at the south pole. drinking whiskey
Oct. 12th, 2006
11:34 am - graffiti on the walll
a suicide note full of resignaton and apologies
butterflys lying dead in a cold stomache
cough drop wrappers and used tissues
the world turns and us with it
illusions about where we are headed
regrets left behind us in the dust
time for something new
time for love
time for change
it is always time for something
...and today is your day
Aug. 21st, 2006
music flows out. an audience transfixed. i hear notes that wash away the past, blot out the present and dance with anticipation for the future. sitting in the dark with no one around me i swirl and twirl until i feel drunk. drunk, sitting, leaning towards you. my mind a broken record. lips moving as i wonder what their kiss could bring, but then i shut the door. open it to see a boy and girl from long ago lying in the sun. it hurts their eyes, but there's no where else on earth they'd rather be. the grass under them ripples and it's a new scene. i see you in the dim corner pretending not to know i'm there. surrounded by family and friends, but i'm too scared. shaking fingers clench under the table as you slowly turn your head back. doors close behind me and i'll never know if our eyes would have met again. and now the demons come. slashing and tearing through pleasant dreams. tiny fingers curled in mine. warm winds and frilly bathing suits. disney movies and abc's. where do all the young souls go? imagination thrown together on paper by paint covered hands. who are we to play god? when does science cross the line? no one can answer these fucking questions, but they drill into my head. and jackhammer at my heart
May. 8th, 2006
02:55 pm - connective art
i haven't been too happy with my photography lately. all my pictures feel cold. like they have no feeling, no emotion to them. compositional and technically i think they're fine, sometimes even good, but what i like about photography is whats missing. i want to produce images that people look at and can feel a connection to. i want my work to evoke emotion or thought or... anything. my scanner is absolute crap which is why i never post any of it. things are always too dark or too blue, but these ( printsCollapse ) are what i was working on today during 2nd period and are mostly just to show miss caroline as she is my beautiful subject (sometime i'll show you the actual prints because they look much better).
so one of my goals right now is to get that back. is to find some emotion somewhere in me that i can put back into my work. or maybe my work will put feeling back into me. one way or the other the results can only be positive.
May. 1st, 2006
Mar. 12th, 2006
strings of light again
above another new bed
old stories never told
sound crackles through the old televison of a body too long neglected. images light up the room where two strangers sing the song of time.
Jan. 28th, 2006
08:36 pm - bang bang... i hit the ground
most depressing movie i've seen in so very very long? closer. CLOSER. fuckin a. i'm watching it right now and it just makes me feel like there is no hope left in the world for love people relationships trust loyalty...
ALICE: Oh, as if you had no choice? There's a moment, there's always a moment, "I can do this, I can give in to this, or I can resist it." And I don't know when your moment was, but I bet you there was one. I'm gone.
DAN: What's so great about the truth? Try lying for a change. It's the currency of the world.
LARRY: She doesn't want to be happy.
DAN: Everybody wants to be happy.
LARRY: Depressives don't. They want to be unhappy to confirm their depression. If they were happy, they couldn't be depressed anymore. They'd have to go out into the world and live, which can be depressing.
DAN: You think love is simple. You think the heart is like a diagram.
LARRY: Have you ever see a human heart? It looks like a fist wrapped in blood! Go fuck yourself.
DAN: I'll go to the terminal. When I get back, please tell me the truth.
DAN: Because I'm addicted to it. Because without it, we're animals. Trust me.
...irony deception betrayal love pain. it all blends together into human nature. there are no truelly good people. anyone put in the right situation will make the wrong decision, the selfish choice, the hurtful move. so how can we even say what's right and what's wrong. hurt your self or hurt someone else. be selfish or a martyr. either way it sucks and its painful. people who try and live in the world of black and white and right and wrong, who live by rules, who try fit every action moment choice into a little predetermined box... all they're gonna get is fucked over by someone else. or they're going to cheat themselves out of something that could have given they happiness. no matter how good you try to be, how nice, how moral you'll end up just as hurt as someone who lies and cheats and steals and betrays. go figure
Jan. 2nd, 2006
05:22 pm - melt away
nerves wound tight
kisses in the rain
where did you come from?
where am i going?
a fire hazard she says
love is dangerous she says
chocolate melting in a pan
don't double dip he says
you'll get burned he says
a car accident
hands reaching for help
a cry in the dark
and you're there
12:08 pm - favorite quote...ever
"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."
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